This Year's Role Model

I’m a writer, but I’m also an aspiring musician. I’m trying to find a role model who’s both. My Mom suggested Barbra Streisand, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her that singing along to "funny girl" makes her a Satanist.

Chili Dog Circuit

I imagine a day when Chili Dogs are accepted as what they are: good rewards for great adolescent achievement. I’m twenty-one now, but I will always remember the days of my youth, rewarding myself with a chili dog after a triumphant hiking excursion, getting an A in school, or any feat that furthered my drive to succeed. Chili dogs further our lives by giving us small rewards for little victories, my point being, fuck PETA.